MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS

THIS IS US

I long for us. You and me. Two people wandering from, yet seeking, something.

Emotionally, we clicked. Seamlessly, in fact. Quite opposite in many ways, we simply accepted who the other was- the good, bad, walls and all. Peripherally knowing each other, in some way I’m sure, played a factor in our emotional connection. We knew of each other’s shit before we knew of us.

Seemingly out of nowhere, a giant elephant appeared. By text, actually. You texted me. Do you remember? It was raining. The song playing in the background will forever be your song. This could get us in trouble, I remember thinking. My reply was the craziest choice I’ve ever made and we both know I have done some crazy shit. We were two people, seeking something. We found each other, the good, the bad, the walls and all.

It’s strange to think there was a time when you were nothing more than an afterthought to me. A guy I associated with only because we had a mutual connection. Do you ever think about that? It’s so weird to remember there was a time when I wasn’t thinking about you. We never hated each other but neither of us was the other’s, favorite person. And then we were.

Just like that, a switch.

Physically, we were driven by lust, desire, newness. We flirted and fucked, seducing each other into an uninhibited state, walls crumbling. The very thought of you turned me into a woman who wanted something. Sex is sex until you get rightfully fucked. I think we both would smile and shake our heads in agreement. Physically, emotionally, we knew each other. We knew what each other needed without words, the silence between us a blissful, peaceful calm. Sometimes I think we knew each other too well. Do you think that’s even possible? To know someone too deeply?

I understood you and I truly believe you understood me, too.

Together, we’ve been on this journey a long time. At times, the once blissful silence turns deafening. On both our parts, I am speaking of. Can you hear it? Is it as loud to you as it is to me? I find myself lost as to what to say about it. I miss you, that I can say without any hesitation. I miss you. I miss us. I miss our closeness, the times when our walls were unguarded; our limbs, entwined.

I long for us. You and me. Two people wandering, yet seeking, something. Life happened. Kids happened. Shit happened. We happened. What I hope is, you still understand me. That you see I am still the person you used to know, the girl with baggage. The woman who nervously took a breath and said fuck-it, uninhibitedly texting you back, acknowledging the elephant and veering from her lane. A woman who still listens to your song and gets lost in the memories of your hands on her body.

Our journey began with two people in search of something. What we found in each other, physical attraction aside, was an ally, our person. The one human being on Earth who you know, no matter what, will forever have your back.

I love you. I will forever, love you. Remember this, as we forge along. We’ve been through happy times. We’ve been through shit. Through it all, we’ve endured and grown. I am not a perfect person and neither are you. But we’ve had more good days than bad, neither giving in to the doubts that have, at times, crept into our minds in the early hours of sleepless nights.

You and me. Two people wandering from, yet seeking, something. I will never in my life, no matter what, ever regret loving you, my ally. My person. A guy who will never again be an afterthought to the girl who accepted you, all of you, before there was an us.

We are, simply, two people. Forever bonded to each other, through the calm and deafening sounds of silence.

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